Wednesday, August 20, 2014

Assertiveness in the Holy Land

My sister and her family are visiting from the US, and decided that they'd like to visit Tzefat and take a tour. She had heard of a place that offered walking tours of the Old City, and their website does advertise a daily walking tour at 11am.
Just to be on the safe side, I figured that I'd call and confirm that a tour would take place today. And, sure enough, they did indeed confirm that there would be an 11am tour.
"Do I need to make a reservation?" I asked.
No need, I was told. Just sure that they're here at 11.
Great. They woke up early, and were on the road a bit after eight, to be sure that they got there on time.
At 11:05am, my cell rings. It's my sister.
Did you get there on time? I asked.
"Yup. We're here, but there's no tour," she says.
"What do you mean there's no tour?"
"There's no tour. That's it." She was calling to see if I could quickly find something else for them to do.

Yet, I've learned that in Israel it really doesn't work that way. There's always another way, usually if you're insistent enough, and especially if you're right.
Let me speak to her, I said.
My sister was reluctant. What, do you think you can get her to give us a tour? There's no tour. Why do you want the phone?
I persisted: Let me speak to her. After some additional protest, she handed the phone to the young woman - "Tamar" - running the desk.
There's been a mistake, Tamar explained. When I said that both their website and a subsequent phone call had confirmed a tour, she apologized for the mistake, but said that while my sister could join any shiur she chose (they apparently have a full slate of lectures at the place), there would not be a tour.

I was insistent, and somewhat forceful. She asked me not to yell - which I don't really think that I did - OK, I did yell a bit - but I was certainly upset, because they were wrong. They had made a commitment and I expected them to live up to it. After a few minutes of listening to me, she gave my sister the phone back, and guessed it - decided to call her manager. Together, they managed to locate an English speaking guide, and in the end, there was a tour.
What frustrates me most about the exchange is that while she insisted that I not yell (speak forcefully), I know that the only reason that she took the initiative and actually found someone to give a tour was because I did. It's not fun to be "Israeli" with people, and Americans often recoil when Israelis act this way. But, had my sister acted typically American, she would have walked away upset that she had driven two hours up to Tzfat for nothing, and rightfully so.
Why couldn't the cheerful Tamar at the desk have done the right thing, acknowledged their mistake, and tried to fix it - without needing someone to insist that she do it first?
In the end, they gave the tour of Tzefat, but still left everyone with a bad taste.

I know that many Americans struggle with this aspect of life in Israel. I agree with them. It's unpleasant. But perhaps things will improve over time. After all, if people wait patiently on line at the butcher in the grocery, and at the post office, perhaps things are in fact changing, ever so slowly.

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