Remembering My Bubby - Yehudis Friedman z"l

My uncle Zvi Friedman wrote the following yesterday about his mother (and my grandmother):

Today is the 32nd Yahrzeit of my mother יהודית בת הרב יצחק דוד ע"ה, Yehudis (Lichtenstein) Friedman also know as The Rebbetzin, Mommy and Bubby. My mother was a powerhouse of a woman - a real "Rebbetzin" from the old days. She would be in Shul every Shabbos making sure that the women knew where they were up to and leading the women in singing. Our house was always full of guests and there was always plenty to eat. She was active in the Sisterhood and Haddassah and all the things that an "Out of Town Rebbetzin" did. This was in addition to her raising 6 children and teaching pre-school and cooking and baking up a storm. She would collect clothing for the poor and sent tons of clothing to Israel for those who had nothing. There are generations of frum Jews because of my parents and their open home. My mother is missed by her 6 children and their spouses, 29 grandchildren, well over a hundred great grandchildren and now the start of the next generation - her great great grandchildren. Unfortunately most of her descendants never were zoche to meet her but anyone who did will never forget her. תהי זכרה ברוך.

I'd like to share a few personal thoughts that I remember about my grandmother - who died when I was all of nine years old, and yet I do remember her pretty well.

How to sweep the floor: One year, my parents took a vacation - I think to Israel, and my grandparents came down from Boston to take care of us. My grandmother thought nothing of handing me a broom and telling me to sweep the kitchen floor, which I proceeded to do, without much effect. She took the broom and explained that I was pushing too hard, and that if I wanted to sweep, I needed to do so gently. Later on I realized that while she was talking about sweeping the floor, the lesson she taught me applies to many other areas of life. Often, we move things far more effectively with a gentle sweep than with great force.

The Essential Importance of Jewish Education: For as long as I knew them, my grandparents lived in Winthrop, Massachusetts - as my uncle described - about as "out of town" as you can get. There my grandfather served as a shul rabbi for decades. Yet, my grandparents didn't always live in Winthrop. My grandfather's career began in Atlanta, Georgia (my mother used to have a southern belle accent, from what I'm told), where my grandfather served at Congregation Shearith Israel (you can read about a memorable Simchat Torah from Atlanta in the 1940s here.) Yet, my grandparents left a successful and growing pulpit in Atlanta, against the wishes of the community there, for Winthrop. It was not a move "up" in the rabbinic sense. Why did they do it? They moved for Jewish education.
The way my grandfather told me, he really didn't want to make the move - and I can well understand why. Yet, when my grandmother heard that Rabbi Soloveitchik had opened the Maimonides School in Brookline, the decision was made. They were moving - and so they did. And while her dedication and devotion certainly played a role in the fact that all of her children and grandchildren continue to follow in her footsteps and proudly live Orthodox lives, I believe it was that decision - her insistence that the family move to a city where her children would have to travel by subway on their own - but to a Jewish Day School - that made the critical difference.
It was a great sacrifice - both for her and for my grandfather. But it's a sacrifice that continues to pay divideds to this day.

The Best Time to Take a Vacation in Israel

After having failed to take a family vacation for the past three years (we have gotten away, but not the entire family together), we decided to go away for a couple of days this week. Yup, on the week before Pesach we took a vacation to Teveria. It was a great decision. Let me count the reasons:
1. The Seder isn't that Big of a Deal: First of all, here in Israel there's much less to do, as there's only one Seder and one day of Yom Tov to prepare for. We make the Seder for our family alone :-( , and we're actually invited out for lunch tomorrow. So the cooking is for all of one meal. Moreover, we stopped eating a large meal at the Seder years ago. After all the Matzah and Romaine lettuce, we eat chicken soup and matzah balls, my mother's famous fricassee, some desert, and move on to the afikomen.
2. Cleaning: We don't do spring cleaning. We clean for Chametz. It's not that big of a deal when you stop washing the walls. (Also, with all the kids home from school beginning last week, the older ones helped quite a lot. I was still working).
3. Amazing deals: Basically, pretty much no one takes a vacation during the week before vacation, so we had the entire city of Teveria more or less to ourselves. And the tiyyullim we took were also more or less empty, other than the random families who are as nutty as us, or groups of men and boys who were kicked out of their homes by the ladies. That means that empty hotels are looking to grab you, and we found a really good deal (at a Groupon-like site) for a hotel that included breakfast and dinner. That was a good move. There's nothing like a vacation when you don't have to worry about most of the food (lunch = ice cream) and you can get up from the table after dinner and walk away.
4. Gorgeous Weather: If you like hiking, walking around and outdoor activities, this is the time to do it. We went on two tiyyulim over two days (to Tel Dan and Nachal Amud), and the weather was perfect!
So, if you're looking for something to do over the week before Pesach, try taking a vacation in Israel. You'll save money, have a great time, and get back home just in time for Bedikat Chametz.
OK, that was a little hectic.
Chag Sameach!

What's That Song Again? (Spolter Version)

I've been a fan of the Alan Parsons Project for years. For some reason, their music appeals to me, and in an age of singles and pop hits, their old albums were especially well thought-out and developed a specific theme. In any case, their song Sirius became hugely popular when it became the music that accompanied the introduction of the Bulls at the beginning of games during the Michael Jordan era. See the attached video if you're too young to remember.
Anyway, on the way to Beit Shemesh for Shabbat last Friday, I put my iPod on shuffle, and this song came on. The kids started playing, "Where's this song from?" They knew it from somewhere, but just couldn't place it. Finally, Petachya, my six-year-old, got it.
"I know! It's from Bezalel's Kung Fu Video."

What? And then I remembered. He's right. It is from Bezalel's Kung Fu video. I didn't bother to explain to him that I had put the music in the video. He'll figure it out one day. (If you're interested, that Kung Fu dojo was amazing for Bezalel. Just listen to the mantra that they'd say before and after every practice. When you say, "I will be disciplined, and try as hard as I can at everything I do" time after time, it begins to sink in, even to a seven-year-old. That was a great Dojo.

My Son, the Chef

Wife just left this morning.to visit her grandparents for a week and a half. Neighbors have been offering to look in after us, just to make sure that we'd be OK. My wife thanks them but assures them that her husband can look after himself. Food wise. After all, when I grew up, my mother had a policy: if you want it, make it yourself. (She cooked, of course, but didn't mind the help as we grew up.) So I did.
This morning, I woke up at 3:30am to take wife and two kids to the airport. Worked the whole day, and stumbled into the house at 5pm. Dinner? Hadn't given it a second thought. Or a first.
Happily, my 14-year-old had it taken care of. He sent the nine-year-old to the makolet for a package of mushrooms, and proceeded to make a delicious sweet potato mushroom soup that he found in the Kosher Soup cookbook. He said that it sounded good. He was right. Then he made garlic bread from a recipe that he found in the Betty Crocker cookbook. I fell asleep. Daughter woke me up an hour later telling me, "Abba, dinner." Sweet.
Good job, Simcha.

Mazal Tov to my son Bezalel. And to me.

Recently, a neighbor approached me about his son's learning. It seems that he wants to supplement the Torah that his son is learning at school, and wanted to know what I suggested. After a moment, I suggested that he learn with his son Mishnah Yomit. First of all, it's not a lot of learning every day, but it is every day. Secondly, over the course of time, his son would acquire a tremendous amount of knowledge. And finally, the time invested learning with him in person would be invaluable to their relationship.

I made the suggestion, because I've been doing exactly that with my son Bezalel for almost a year now. Last summer, when the Mishnah Yomit started shas anew, I got a bug in my head that we should learn the two daily mishnayot together. Initially, Bezalel strongly resisted, wondering why I was forcing him to learn. But very, very quickly, he really took to the program, taking his learning very seriously, and ensuring that we were up to date. His reading ability (in Hebrew - we do the Kehati) has improved dramatically, as has his shas knowledge and learning skills. We fell quite a bit behind at one point, but eventually caught up, and last week concluded Seder Zeraim. Over the months we learned mostly in person, but at times on the phone, over Skype, and recently he's been calling me on my cell so that we could learn while I'm on the bus.

Tomorrow morning Bezalel will make a siyyum on the Seder, and we've already begun Moed. I'm really very proud of him, but I'm also proud of myself for sticking with the program and keeping after Bezalel when he wasn't in the mood, or I wasn't, or I was crazy busy - or all three. I myself had doubts about how things would go, and feel great about sticking with it. Now I just feel guilty for not learning regularly with Simcha.

Watching the joy on Bezalel's face when we finished that last Mishnah in Bikkurim gave me great joy. He had a sense of accomplishment and satisfaction that few children his age have, and I got that rare sense of satisfaction that one has from a long-term project which has reached a major milestone. It was hard work, but truly worthwhile.

That's what I was thinking when I suggested Mishnah Yomit to my neighbor. It's not just about his son's knowledge. It's about so much more.

He seemed hesitant, and when I asked him why he responded (honestly) that he didn't feel he had the knowledge to learn the Mishnah together with his son. That got me thinking (yet again) about a project that I had long wanted to do: a Mishnah Yomit website that would have the audio of the Mishnah, together with the text (and probably some clear explanation and translation). The audio could be specifically geared towards someone who didn't already understand the Mishnah (most Mishnah Yomit audio takes knowledge, lingo, and familiarity pretty much for granted). I got as far as buying a domain name (MorningMishnah.org), and then came to realize just how much time I would have to invest to do the project right.

I don't have that kind of time right now. But wouldn't it be a great project?

Shanah Tovah - A Sweet and Happy New Year

Wishing you a sweet, happy, and healthy new year!

Enterprise Rent-A-Car: The Cpmpany That Picks You Up. Unless You're Stuck on the Side of the Highway - Part 1

Part 1: The Ford Flex - Probably the Coolest Car I'll Ever Drive

As our tour of the East Coast nears its completion, we left Silver Spring today on the way back to New Jersey, where we'll spend the next couple of days before returning home on Wednesday. I note that we left Silver Spring headed towards NJ, but didn't mention how long it took us, because we had a slight mishap on the way with our rental car.
First a few words about our rental. When we arrived at JFK, I happened to call Avis to find out how to get there, and casually asked them to confirm our rental. They had never heard of us. And the price that they quoted on the web was now a great, great deal more expensive. And we needed a minivan to accommodate our large family. We decided to split up. My in-laws, who met us at the airport, took Rena and some of the kids, and I decided to rent a car to at least get us out of the airport, after which we'd figure out what to do from their house.
When I got to Enterprise, I happened to ask whether they had any minivans available. They did not, but they mentioned that they had an SUV. Would that be allright? Sure, why not. The lady let me choose, and I chose a really cool-looking Ford Flex. It's a rather cool car, and it had all the trimmings: leather seats, GPS, power everything, dual zone climate control, and a stereo that sounds better than anything I own at home. It was a great introduction to gashmiyut of the United States. The kids liked it so much that they'd ask me to turn on the map so that they could watch it as we drove, like a video. Petachya started calling the car our "GPS". I think he meant SUV, but what's the difference?
The car had all kinds of buttons, so at one point I told them that it was such a special car, that it had a special rocket button. They didn't believe me, so I told them to count to three, at which point I pushed one of the buttons on the console and floored it, which impressed them to no end. They continually asked me to push the rocket button again. I declined.
The car kept surprising us. This morning we finally decided to see if it was serious about DVDs. The kids had seen one of its many screens that it had a DVD function. Would it really play movies? Indeed, it would, even while driving. (That seems rather dangerous to me, actually.) Thankfully, that function would come in quite handy later on in the day. I wish we hadn't needed it.

To be continued...

Shwekey Jr.

Petachya has, for the longest time, been on a Shwekey kick. Once he was looking through the newspaper, and saw a large ad for a Shwekey concert in which Shwekey appeared like this:


This prompted Petachya to strike his own Shwekey pose, like this: (notice the glasses and kippah placement).

I guess there are worse role-models he could have chosen to emulate.

Purim Costume Customs and A Philosophical Query

Come Purim, each person finds his niche. Some are great at Purim Torah, churning out a witty, thoughtful parody that makes its way around the interwebs. Others come up with clever themes for their mishloach manot, sending out lovely, tasty and inspiring treats dressed up as something else. (My favorite this year: we got a "plant theme", complete with chocolate mud cake, grass, a candied strawberry and even gummy worms.) Still others expends tremendous thought and energy designing, creating and even sewing clever costumes - especially here in Israel. It's not uncommon to see kids dressed in costumes created from scratch by their parents, er - mothers.
Not us. We now have our own costume custom: pull down the costume box from the attic, and see what we can pull out.
It's worked for the past couple of years, so why not this year.
Our son, Petachya, is almost five, which means that he's the perfect size for our Robin costume. First of all, this brought up a tricky problem. I took him to gan in costume on Friday, and they asked me what he was dressed up as. I said "Robin." In the States, I would have gotten a knowing look, an "Oh, how cute," and moved on. Not here. The gannenet gave me this puzzled look, as in, "What's a robin? Isn't that a kind of bird?", kind of shrugged, and we moved on.
In any case, when putting on his costume Petachya wanted the whole getup, including the belt and cape. When he started "flying around", we had to, of course, explain to him that Robin could not actually fly.
Which only made us wonder: if Robin couldn't fly, why did he wear a cape?
Why indeed?

Mouths of Babes Department

Our youngest child, Petachya, aged 4 and a half, often has trouble getting himself downstairs in the morning. Rena will wake him up, make sure that he's awake, get his clothes set for him, and then move on to other things. I frequently arrive home from shul to find him slowly moving down the steps a half-hour later.
We're trying several remedies: a check system (not really working), taking away his DS time (working a little), positive encouragement (makes him feel good but also doesn't work).
Today we had the following conversation.
Me: Petachya, you can't read in the morning. You have to get dressed.
P: I'm not reading.
Me: Well, you can't just stand around looking at things.
P: I'm not looking at things.
Me: Then what are you doing for all this time?
P: I'm lying in bed.
Stupid, he's not.

In Memory of my Grandfather, Rabbi Dr. Hyman H. Friedman

Tonight my family marks the yahrtzeit of my grandfather, Rabbi Dr. Hyman (Chaim) Friedman. Or, as we called him, Zayde. I have a special affinity for Zayde in that I followed after him into the professional rabbinate. He served first in Atlanta, Georgia, and then moved to Winthrop, Massachusetts where he served for decades (I don't remember how many). I think that I appreciate his years of service in the rabbinate more now than I did when he died. I certainly learn new things about him all the time. Who knew that he tutored Rav Gifter when he first arrived at YU?
I served at rabbi of a shul in West Hartford, CT, that was probably a lot like his shul in Winthrop - Orthodox shul, not many Orthodox people. It's not an easy life; thankless in many ways, with many frustrations and few successes.
And yet, serve he did for so many years. After he retired, he moved to Silver Spring, MD where he spent the final years of his life studying Torah, attending minyan, becoming a noted and very popular speaker, visiting the sick and becoming a fixture in Kemp Mill. Yet, that's what he did - not what he was.
What was he? First and foremost, a Talmid Chacham. He knew how to learn. He was a masterful speaker - just watch the video - he had mastered the craft over a lifetime. He was loving, caring and gentle. He was perpetually responsible. He was soft-spoken.
And he built a family of children, grandchildren and great-grandchildren numbering literally in the hundreds, all dedicated to the values of living a Torah lifestyle and devotion to the Jewish people.
That's a legacy that speaks for itself. Which is something Zayde was quite good at.
(If you want to know more about my Zayde, you can click here to listen to a fascinating interview my brother did with him.)

Out of the Mouths of Babes

Leah, not really realizing it, put me in my place.

Me: "Hi Leah. How was school today?"

Leah: "Great!"

Me: "Yeah? What did you do?"

Leah: "Well, first we had davening, then we had art and made glue. Then we learned how to cross the street. Then we learned about a rabbi."

Me: "Oh yeah, which rabbi?"

Leah: "Not you."